So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I puked a lego.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
