I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
