In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
