lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
