Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
