Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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