Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
