Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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