Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize