There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
