They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
