Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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