why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
