this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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