Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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