Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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