My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
