Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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