Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
