I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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