I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
