when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
