Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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