thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it hurts more in the daytime
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
