11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
