First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
