I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
