Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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