Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you had me at cake vodka
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
