I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
