I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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