what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
