end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
