Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
