I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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