just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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