dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
they're like a gay fantastic four
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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