you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He shit in the fireplace
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
