he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
