Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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