We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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