Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
