then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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