fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
