a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
