I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
