real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
