He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
