Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
