I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
