When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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