I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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