you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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