If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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