what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
