i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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