i can't believe i had my finger in that
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
