i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I need water and some morals
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
