guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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