you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
