I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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