Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
