hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
