I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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