if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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