Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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