Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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